How to be lazy at Work. (Intel Edition)

  • First make sure you get there exactly at 8:00. It’ll take some practice to get it just right so time it well because you don’t wanna come in “too” early.
  • Start your day by grabbing a coffee at the cafeteria and chatting with coworkers on the way. Causally forget to pay for the coffee.
  • Then start reading your emails from your Yahoo, Gmail and Hotmail accounts.
  • If you still have time, check your email from work and see what you have to do today or who you have to avoid.
  • Maybe start doing some light work while surfing what’s new on the web.
  • After you start doing some real, you go on Facebook, Twitter, Google + and News.google just in case. until it’s 10:00 break time.
  • It’s fine to come in 5 minutes after your break ends and start doing a little bit more work while listening to music.
  • Wobble around until lunch while chatting loudly with coworkers about things you found interesting on the internet. Arguments are just lively discussions and try to bring other people to join in on the conversation, it’s not like they have anything important to do like “real” work.
  • If someone asks you to do something work related, respond sarcastically and maybe do something about it, if it really matters.
  • Go to lunch 10 minutes early on the pretest that you are heating it up. Use up every precious minute of your lunchtime, you never work for free. Ever.
  • It’s perfectly alright to play video games while on break and lunch. It doesn’t make you look any lazier.
  • When lunch is over, check emails and try answering one or two more of them. try to sound really busy and important. Keep enjoying that music while “looking” busy reading important emails.
  • Leave 15 minutes early for every meeting to “get a good seat and prepare” But sit by the door to be the first out of there.
  • Complain at the meeting about anything that might remotely affect you in any way and get people on your side.
  • Surf the web while on your laptop for the rest of the meeting and nod your head when people are talking.
  • Read online blogs on how to be lazy at work.
  • When heading home, rush out the door like there’s a fire!
  • It’s always ok to leave 5 minutes before, 10 if you can push it, but never 15 since someone might catch onto you.
  • Repeat every day until you get fired for demanding a raise.

 

This is not what I do, but a culmination of behavioral patterns some people have.
Add some stuff in the comments if you like. :)

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About Zerin

But can you show me the source code?

Posted on February 6, 2013, in Fun Stuff and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. The fact that i read this article at work is making me realice how lazy im at work.

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