How To Be Lazy At Intel. 2016 Edition.
After 5 years of working at Intel. I’ve made an anniversary bog post about slacking off at work! It’s only fitting since I’m in a new lab and things have changed a bit. Here we go!
- Come in exactly at 9:00. try to time it just right.
- If in the event you come in “too” early, get some coffee, browse the web and answer an email to let people know you’re a hardworking individual who comes in early to get the job done, but in reality you’re just faking it and on FaceBook. But hey at least you look good on paper.
- At the morning meeting, make it seem like you’re taking notes. Even though you’re just writing blog posts about slacking off and doodling. Nod in agreement plus say something witty and funny so people know how clever you are.
- Get yourself some tea (it makes you seem more sophisticated) this time with your coworkers right after the meeting. No one is actually working this early in the morning and it’s free anyways.
- Go to another team meeting, when asked what you’re working on, just say you’re real busy with (Insert current hot topic of the week) and say they no one can help because only you know how to handle this.
- Don’t bother with following all the rules of the workplace, they get in the way, if you need to stand on that desk to reach something, you do it. Because you’re smart and efficient worker and won’t get hurt at all.
- During work hours look busy typing up more stuff in Notepad++ in light text against a black background, it looks like you’re programming, but you’re really just working on your blog.
- You’re low on Tea, get some fresh fruit and water, it’s free so might as well, bring along the gang for one last round before…..
- Lunch Time!
- Take lunch five minutes early, you need that time to get ready and be in your car by 12:00.
- It’s OK to come back 5 or even 7 minutes late after your one hour lunch. Sometimes it’s not enough for that fancy Thai restaurant. You need to enjoy your food, not scarf it down in a rush.
- This is the hard part of the day, you actually have to do some work. tough it out. I believe in you.
- Break time!
- Take a nice long 30 minute break. Yes you get a full 30 minutes and if you started even just 3 minutes late. You MUST extend it by three minutes at least. And all the while, let people know you left for break late because you’re such a hard worker.
- Finish up whatever task you where doing, it’s OK to only finish only one thing today. That’s progress and it counts for something.
- Near the end of the shift, talk with your coworkers, it’s OK to slack off while the other teams are busy and scrambling to get stuff done. It’s not your problem they can’t finish their work on time. You’re so good at this, you don’t even have to try as hard as they do. But they got this, you don’t need to help, just get back to FaceBook and giggle at those funny pictures.
- One last drink for the day, enjoy that free tea. oh yeah.
- Overtime? No way! So what if the engineers are overloaded with work? You’re only on the job from 9 to 6 so anything outside of that is not your problem.
- Enjoy working at Intel! It’s not like they could give you a career here.
Disclaimer, This article does not represent the writer’s opinion. It is for entertainment purposes.